its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
