so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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