Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Text me some of your sweat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
