On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
