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I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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