Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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