she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
