If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
