i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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