i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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