On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How many fucks given?
0.12846
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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