So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
