He told me they were just razor bumps!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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