We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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