Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
