I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
