I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
