dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
