I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
