David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
