An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
