Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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