god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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