Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
