This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Threesome in a minivan. New low
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
