thus making me awesome and them whores
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
