Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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