It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
