White coat. Heels.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
