you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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