Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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