yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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