the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
