I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
