if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
