I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
