she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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