Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
