I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
