I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
