My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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