We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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