I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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