remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
