Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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