I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
