Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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