he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
