Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
