her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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