Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
