Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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