Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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