I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
