She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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