Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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