look no pants
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
