i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
