Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
