I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
