So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
