We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
