Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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