Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
