am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
