I am puke
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
