Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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