I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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